Off The Tongue.

I awoke about 7:30 this morning and decided to start researching for my dissertation. I am starting by reading ‘Creative Minds’ by Howard Gardner. I started reading about 8 am after making my first coffee of the day and after the dizziness of the first smoke of the day had faded.

I start to read and although I enjoy reading I remember why I don’t read very often – the blurred words, my eyes which wander over the page so that I need to read what I have just read again. Reading and my mind wandering off on a tangent, firstly it might be to do with what I have just read but will unevitably work it’s way to something irrelevant – although relevant to myself though.

About 11:30 I realize the time and need to stop my studies to go to my monotenous job slicing bread and selling pies – but it pays the rent, a necessary chore.

I remember that I used to want to be normal, a run of the mill person Although the thoughts going through my mind were not normal neither were the images. Though what is normal? If every one was normal and the same wouldn’t the world be a dull place to exist.

If everyone was normal we wouldn’t have progress – we need the geeks and nerds, if we didn’t have them maybe our world would be a very dull and mundane place. Nothing to be curious about and no one to be interested in developing what we already have.

Just a thought, as I analyse myself. I can be quite a theoretical person and be in a ‘zone’ working and creating, then the time comes for me to be my other self, a father his children before anything else.

Well I finished work, and was in desperate need of food. I shake and feel faint when I miss a meal or two and am a moody git to go with it until I get my grub. I will say that my mind does wander in and out of positivity and negativity when I am hungry and can even show signs of depression and anxiety when feeling this way. I try and make these feelings work positively for me, but feel that I need to be alone when feeling like this.

Some how I have been roped into moving all my ex wife’s stuff for her tomorrow when she moves house. After tomorrow though she isn’t going to affect my work anymore as she will have no reason to contact me unless it has something to do with the kids. I feel this will leave me to work in a more positive way, and will be bringing the end to an era of my life which, apart from my children has not been a happy episode in my life.

Last time I had a relationship break up I drank for two years solid (well not when I was working though). I am determined not to fall into that hole again, because when you start down that road it is hard to come out of it, so best stay away.

Right on with my studies ,I feel after writing this small piece I am ready to work, so, Freud, Picasso, Einstein, Ghandi, Stravinsky, Eliot and Graham, nice to meet you.

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